I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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