Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
worst night to have a conscience
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
