The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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