he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
