you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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