The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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