Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
