he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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