That's intense
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize