I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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