she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
