What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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