Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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