My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
