can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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