Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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