Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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