What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
