If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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