i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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