I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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