We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
