I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
