You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
