I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
