She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
