It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
