i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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