Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
