i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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