A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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