I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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