I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
