just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
