dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
