I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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