I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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