why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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