i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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