This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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