I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
