hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My vagina is very pro this idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
