Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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