hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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