Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
