oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
