just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
