but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
