im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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