I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
