Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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