i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
