I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
