if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
