The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are leaves in my underwear?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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