3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm too high and old for this...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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