woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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