The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
