How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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