She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
