for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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