my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
