Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
