Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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