Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
