She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
