You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
