I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
