he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
