I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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