Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
